Habits for the Burnout/Overworked Mom

I’m bowed over the sink washing the last of the dishes with tears in my eyes.

Doors slammed. I don’t know how it suddenly got so loud, and we both lost it. Our arguing, it can go in circles. Seemed more frequent.

And I’m thinking, as I washed the last pot, there’s got to be more to life than this? Four kids. Homeschooling. Women’s Ministry Director. Prayer team minister. Bible study teacher. Every time the church doors opened, we’d be there. Always willing to help, as if I had to win my way into heaven.

Something had to give. All I knew was my battle with weariness, seemed contradictory to Jesus’ word, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light” Matthew 11:30.

 I find myself the following March at #mthconference laying on the floor with women I barely know visualizing my life in 30 years. I didn’t see myself in the church or standing on a platform. Exhaustion and weariness weren’t part of the vision. I saw a long farm table set for a meal in a quaint backyard with all my people around. My husband and I were laughing. Our children and their families gathered around enjoying each other’s company. Deep relationships forged over time took center stage. Sure, I sensed accomplishment. A life well lived with people I loved the most.

I uncovered something that day. It wasn’t new. It had always been there. But now, I was ready to walk in it. And because I long for women to walk in purpose and abundance, I’m here to save you from the burnout of life.

I walked away learning three things:

1. Relationships don’t just happen; they are intentional and require effort.
2. I am in control of my life, and this vision encompassed my desires.
3. Boundaries are not a dirty word, very much needed to avoid the weight of burden we were never meant to carry.

If our goal is loving God and our community, we need to rethink our approach to life. Before we give till there’s nothing left we have to know our end vision, set-up healthy boundaries and know our driving force. Somewhere along the way we’ve begun to believe we are supposed to sacrifice our lives, our families, and even our very souls on the altar of the greater good. Busyness is our cloak of honor. What we do defines us. But none of these things matter if we don’t remain in Him. We need to remember is the genuine fruit that comes only out of a deep and surrendered connection with Jesus.

What Drives You? What is Your End Vision?

What I love about the body of Christ is: each of our lives looks different. There’s no cookie cutter formula to live. Your vision will be different than mine.

Take a few minutes, close your eyes, and visualize yourself in 30 years. What do you see? Who is with you?

Just a year ago guilt drove my decisions. If my primary goal is relationships, I had to shift what drove my decisions. I began to forge relationships with those I wanted to grow intentionally.

And if I’m intentionally forging relationships with the people I love I can’t do all and be all to everyone. I began to set up healthy boundaries.

“Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choices.”

-Gerard Manley Hopkins

 

Boundaries is Not a Four-Letter Word

As I studied the life of Jesus, I saw a pattern of boundaries. Jesus knew his end vision. His driving force was the love of the Father. He never rushed and didn’t allow the present needs of others to pull him off course. Hence waiting three days after Lazarus died, even though Martha tried to lay on a guilt trip Jesus did not allow guilt to drive his decision. Jesus often pulled away for a time of rest and prayer saying no to the needs of the crowd.

I urge you to study the Gospels to see the boundaries in Jesus’ life. If God himself needed boundaries why on earth do we think we have endless amounts of energy and time?

Growth always requires death. No is not a bad word.

What are we willing to remove from your schedule?

Just yesterday, as I sat in a coffee shop writing, a text came across my phone asking if I could help with something. Yes, I had the time, if I scratched writing for the day which is part of my soul-care.

Did I have the energy?  Was this thing I say yes to going to affect the way I parented my children and interacted with my husband later on in the day? Was this a need I was called to fill? We can’t meet every demand and expect not to burn out.

I know boundaries are hard because we feel we are letting people down. However, if our primary goal is to draw others into a deeper relationship with God than boundaries has to be a part of our everyday life. Slowly I began to see the need for boundaries was not just for me; it was for the people I serve and love. I want the best of me to show up, not the burnout me. I’m now very selective in where I spend my time and energy.

When we’re saying yes to one thing we’re saying no to another, and that no may be the most valuable thing. Sometimes we buy into the idea we can do all and be all…yeah, that’s not true. We really can’t juggle all those balls at once. Something always gives.

Here’s the truth: we don’t have to live anxious and fragmented. Too busy. Too tired. Too frantic as believers. God intends something different, and it takes going against the grain of our culture. Like saying no when everyone is saying yes and knowing our vision, and setting boundaries.

Have a desire for more insight from this mom of five? Join the email community below. Would love to share tips and swap stories…