My grief journal began in 2019. I can hardly believe it’s spanned more than six years now. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime; other times, like it all happened just yesterday.
You can’t walk through repeated loss and not learn something about God. Well, I suppose you could, but I’ve always said that loss either draws you closer to Him or pulls you further away. For me, it’s drawn me closer.
Deeper Intimacy with God
My love affair with God has become a steady, enduring marriage built on a firm foundation. We’re no longer in the honeymoon stage—we’re settled in, comfortable on the couch together.
No longer do I take Him for granted. No longer is He a one-night fling.
He’s become someone I can’t live without. He’s the very air in my lungs.
He’s not a genie in a bottle I rub for three wishes, because I’ve learned He doesn’t work that way.
He is sovereign. All-powerful.
Healer. Yet, not always here on earth.
His timing isn’t my timing, yet it’s perfect.
He wants the best for me, though it doesn’t always look like getting what I want.
Becoming a Daughter Instead of a Demander
I am no longer the angry toddler throwing fits before Him because He didn’t give me what I desired. I’ve become a daughter in need of her Father’s embrace in the sorrows of this world.
He comforts me. He speaks words of hope.
He reminds me that good things are still in store and that He is making all things new.
God isn’t interested in our perfection—or in us getting everything right. He’s after our hearts—the ones that deeply love Him.
He desires obedience over sacrifice.
Listening for the Still, Small Voice
I’ve learned to dive deep into the silence and listen for His quiet whisper.
He’s embraced me when I’ve said, “I’m not sure I believe all this Christianity anymore. I’m not sure the church works.”
And still, He stayed.
He wiped away my tears and reminded me that this is a fallen world—one that often builds its beliefs on something other than His Word.
I’ve gone deeper into Scripture, reading it for what it truly is, and I’ve seen how Jesus loved people right where they were.
He didn’t shame them for what they weren’t.
He didn’t pull away His love or cause harm because of something they did or didn’t do.
The Gift of a Mother’s Love
I’m no longer angry that He took my mother.
Because now I can see what a gift it was to have been loved so well.
He gave me a mother who loved me like Jesus loved people, and for that, I am forever blessed.
I live now to carry on her legacy of love. To love others the way she did.
And to love God, not because life has been easy, but because even in my grief, He has proven Himself faithful.
If you find yourself in a season of loss, unsure what you believe or how to hold on, know this—you don’t have to have it all figured out. God can handle your doubts, your anger, and your tears. He meets you right where you are, not where you think you should be.
My hope is that as you walk through your own grief, you’ll discover, as I did, that even here—especially here—God is faithful. And in time, His love will meet you in the ache and gently teach you how to breathe again.
Author’s Note
This post was inspired by my book, Freedom to Feel: Finding God in the Midst of Grief and Trauma. If your heart is heavy with loss, my prayer is that this book becomes a companion in your healing—a safe place to bring your questions, tears, and faith as you rediscover the presence of God in your pain.
📘 Learn more about the book here → Freedom to Feel
It’s actually on sale now for under $7!!
