It’s Okay to Feel

“To accept the dark nights is to accept being human…It is to accept being who I am. This is holiness.” Maria Edwards

On this journey of life, there are unexpected bends in the road, and sometimes mountains we never thought we have to overcome, and it’s scary and downright overwhelming. You feel alone; you feel forgotten, you feel like you’re suffocating, and you don’t know which way to go. This sort of thing can’t be happening to me; you may be telling yourself.

I want you to know you are loved. You are seen. And you matter.

For some months I’ve been battling an inner struggle. There seemed to be a whole chorus of voices swirling in my mind whispering lies upon lies. Only recently I put words to this wrestling. On our way home from church, I spilled my heart out to my husband. Telling him all that I felt, holding nothing back. It was pretty real and raw.

Don’t Ignore Your Feelings

Recently, I’ve recognized part of being whole is acknowledging how I feel without guilt. We can never move forward if we don’t know where we are: body, mind, soul, and spirit. Years I’ve wasted ignoring my feelings and stuffing them as if they didn’t exist. Believing that if I just pushed through everything would be alright. So, when I felt the pain of a broken relationship, I would tell myself, “It’s okay you are better off without them.” Pretending it didn’t happen. When anger would rise, I’d convince myself it’s not Christian like to be angry. Bury it. Push it down and move on, the world needs you.

The reality is most of us who grow-up in the church were told to ignore our emotions. We somehow adopted the mindset that following Christ looked like skipping through a field of flowers with a smile on our face and if you felt any different than you must be out of God’s will.

Instead of being real and honest with each other we slap a pretend smile on and say things like, “God’s got this.”

We all know people who spill hurts and wounds of their past onto others because they refuse to stop and take inventory of the wrong in their own life. We’ve heard the saying “hurt people, hurt people” and we all know this to be true. This is why we can’t ignore our feelings.

It’s Okay to Feel

I’m here to encourage you and say: it’s okay to feel.

Being angry and sad is okay. When death happens or marriage ends you’re allowed to grieve. Let go of the expectations you put on yourself to feel a certain way. What you’re walking through is hard, and the last thing you need to do is stuff your feelings, ignoring them as if that is more spiritual. The way to wholeness is to give words to your feelings. God created them. He loves you no more or no less because of them.

Love what Sue Monk Kidd says in her book When the Heart Waits, “God created my emotions, my instincts, my senses, and my body as well as my spirit and my mind-and pronounced them all good.”

 I think a pastor I heard several years had the best illustration of emotions. He referred to them as a check engine light on a car. We all know when the check engine light comes on in a car we need to pay attention to it and find out why it’s on. The blinking and sometimes dinging sound are an indication that our car needs something. The same is true for our emotions. If one day you’re feeling sad and overwhelmed, don’t ignore those emotions, use them as a clue to a deeper issue. Our feelings are the check engine lights to alarm us that something is going on inside us that needs our attention.

Ding, ding, ding, something is not right, and it’s time to pay attention to it.

Every Thursday I sit in a room with women who have numbed their emotions with drugs and alcohol for years. Their addiction kept their feelings buried; if they didn’t feel them than they didn’t exist. Except here they are years later staring those feelings in the face. Grieving loss and betrayal.

While we may not be burying our emotions with drugs or alcohol, we might be numbing them with our overly busy schedules or our overprotective minds. I wonder what would happen if we took a step back and took inventory of our souls. Because the truth is I bet underneath the raw emotions is some lies we believe, and without giving vent to our feelings, we’ll never relieve our need for Truth.

Express Your Feelings

Giving yourself time and space to feel is not only healthy, but it’s also Biblical. Take time to read Psalm 22 from your Bible. David, the man after God’s own heart, penned this passage of scripture questioning God and being very real with His emotions.

“My God, I cry by day, but You do not answer, by night, yet I have no rest” (Psalm 22:2). Sound like words you may have said? God, where are you? I’m so grateful for the honesty in Scripture. “I am a worm and not a man, scorned by men and despised by people. Everyone who sees me mocks me (Psalm 22:6-7).Pure honest before God.

Find time to express your emotions. For instance, I spend time writing my feelings in my journal. I pour them out to my husband and a few trusted friends.

You Can’t Stay Here

My husband said it best to me, “It’s okay you feel this way, but you can’t stay here.” He’s right. It is not healthy for us to wallow in self-pity and continue to stay in a place of despair. In saying that take note everyone’s journey is different. We all grieve and morn differently. Some will take longer than others. Never guilt yourself or anyone else into thinking they should be further along than they are. We all on a journey.

I want to end with some words of encouragement. Psalm 22 David express His emotions but also did six things we need to remember. He reminded himself of God faithfulness throughout his life (vs. 10).  David spoke of God’s character as always good (vs. 3,9,19). He recalled who he was in God (vs. 9-10). He anticipated God would work on his behalf (vs31). He waited on God (vs19). David turned to God knowing He was his source of strength (vs21).

It’s been some time since that Sunday I cried to my husband and honestly, I still have more questions than answers. However today, I sit reminding myself this is a journey, and I walk hand-and-hand with a God who is right there with me, and He’s with you too.