Honestly, it has been a season of loosing my footing. Catching my breath. Several blows have caused me to be reminded it’s less about me and more about Him.
It’s not even 8 in the morning and I hear yelling from the upstairs about who will take a shower first and they rant over who will light the candles today.
My performance, my children, my marriage, my ministry is not a reflection of my self-worth.
Every time I turn inward, feeling the weight of my own sin and shame, I obstruct the gift of grace that has been so freely given to us as a gift. It becomes more about my performance then about His one-act of performance.
Questions flood my mind and my prayer time…when will they get it right? Will the dots ever connect? Will I ever get this parenting thing right? Will I ever dodge the bullet of offense? Can all the noise stop just for a season? Just to breathe in the smell and warmth of Christmas.
These questions begin to shape my theology and dumb down my vision and purpose. I begin to doubt the very God that gives life to my dry and weary bones. All I can see is me and my sin that I keep tripping over. All I can see are the questions that keep circulating through my mind. How, in the mist of celebrating Jesus, have I missed it? It’s becoming more and more about me and less and less about Him.
We rob God of being God when our hearts are filled with so many questions.
And yet I find the very first question of the entire Bible drawing hearts: “Where are you?”
And the very first question of the New Testament is asked by the wise men in search of Jesus, “Where is He?”
Our God is all about relationships. All He wants is our hearts. All He wants is us and our unwavering hearts.
“Really wise men and women never stop looking for God. And because your really wise God is love, He never stops looking for you.” -Ann Voskamp
I sit breathing in this very truth – All I need is Him! All I need to ask for is more of Him. More of His Grace and love. I repent for allowing all my questions to pull me away from what really matters…a love relationship with the God of the Universe.
What if we just asked for more of Him and more of His love and grace?
This love will feed any spiritual discipline, every single second of serving, and every act of trying to get it right.
It’s that simple. And when we are fueled by His love alone any wilderness, any difficulty, any offense that presents itself is relieved by loving Him more.
The greatest gift we are given is God Himself…His very Presence. Because of this love we can rest in the very character of who God is.
Freedom is bringing all of our questions to Him. Trust is knowing He will take care of it according to His plan.
“Keep asking and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find him. Keep knocking and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives and the one who searches finds, and to the one who knocks the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8
We celebrate all that He has done not all that we have done.
Today I make room to celebrate all that He has done! Let me not sleep through the celebration.
I'm all about finding rest.
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