Dressed to the nine, suitcases packed, with book proposal perfectly typed and ready to go. Hair and nails freshly done, prayed up and ready to take on this writing conference with full confidence, knowing God has something HUGE in-store for me.
Yeah, that wasn’t me on a hot July afternoon.
I was the woman doubting.
Doubting my clothes… I threw into the suitcase after packing four little people’s clothes.
Doubting I spent enough time on my book proposal.
Really doubting my hair and makeup because let’s be honesty I didn’t spend much time thinking about them.
And confident certainty was not the word I would use to describe myself. Spending most of my life doubting who I was and often believing God may have left out some talent or skill the day He made me, kept me striving for more.
As I drove the six-hour drive to Charlotte where I would be greeted with 800 other women with the same calling on their lives to write and speak, I felt overwhelmed. Lost in a sea of women.
How was I special?
What made me think I could ever see my dream as an author fulfilled?
Who did I think I was?
I never felt like enough.
Do you struggle feeling this way too? The voices of not being enough screaming louder than God’s truth?
I remember a few months ago when I dared to think I might speak at a conference for women. I put voice to this thought by telling a mentor I trusted.
“Oh Lea, you’re not ready to speak yet. Your time has not come.”
A dream silenced in a moment. Any confidence I had was stripped away, leaving me question would I ever be ready?
The voice of the accuser loves to remind us we are not ready. Paralyzing us, making sure we are always a fingertip shy of reaching our full potential. Risks are never taken and we continue to stay covered in shame thinking we will never be good enough.
Potentially spending our entire lives feeling as if we are never ready.
Driving to Charlotte that day I asked the Lord to give me a verse. A scripture to silence the lies. A truth I could hang on to as I met with publishers and other women who also felt a call to write and speak.
The scripture from Luke 15:31 suddenly dropped into my spirit, “Daughter, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.”
Somewhere along the way I became the older son in the prodigal son story, forgetting who my father was and who I was.
The older brother forgot he had full access to the Father. The reality was the father wanted to bless him and desired to do so, except the son never had the full confidence to believe what he already had through his father. Is this not what most of us struggle with? Believing in what we already have access to?
The younger brother’s actions never caused the father to waiver in how he felt for his oldest son. Everything he had was his. The same is true for us. Our Father’s love and acceptance does not change. We get to enjoy it everyday, allowing us to celebrate others.
What changes would you make if you believed everything in the Kingdom is yours? What would you believe for?
Our confidence must come from being fully loved and accepted by the Father.
Walking in full confidence knowing I have full access to everything I need means doubt, comparison, fear, uncertainty, and shame are replaced with joy, love, freedom, confidence, and the ability to celebrate with others.
Live Fully Loved, Fully Accepted
I walked into the conference setting with four-words ringing in my ear: fully loved, fully accepted
No longer did I need others to fulfill my lack. When insecurity came creeping in I repeated this simple statement: I am fully loved, fully accepted.
As I spent three full days at the conference I found myself totally secure in who I was. No longer was I a beggar, begging for love or acceptance. Releasing others from the obligation of making me feel loved and accepted allowed me in return to be surprisingly blessed with new-found friendships.
I didn’t feel insecure, the need to compare, or lacking in any way. I knew I was full loved, fully accepted, and I was able to celebrate others and their accomplishments with a sincere heart.
The Lord surprised me that weekend and He wants to surprise you too, when you live from a place of being fully loved, fully accepted.
Next time you walk into a room and feel the insecurities creeping in, push through the shame and hurt, and repeat to yourself, “I am fully loved, fully accepted.”
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